The Bambino

This is a much needed update on the baby situation. I don't have any organized thoughts running through my head so if this post feels like it is rambling that's because it is.

One of the many blessings that we have experienced since putting our home on the market is that my pregnancy has been an easy one. Yes, I did just use the words "easy" and "pregnancy" in the same sentence. I meant it. It is still a pregnancy with the normal aches and pains and complaints; abit of heartburn, baby kicking, inability to breath while tying shoes, etc., etc. What I hadn't experienced was the plague of pre-term contractions that took over my pregnancy with Anne. It has been wonderful because we've had some crazy busy days that would have left me with 4-5 hours of regular contractions during Anne's pregnancy and didn't result in any this time around. Countless times through this pregnancy I can't help but pause and notice how good I feel and say a prayer of gratitude for that.

Until January 28th. It was strange because it was a relaxing day. I spent the morning giving make-up piano lessons from when we were in California, took a nap, and the evening was normal enough that I can't even remember what we did. 

I sat down to read my scriptures after the kids were in bed and noticed that I was having some Braxton Hicks contractions. An hour later with them happening about 7-10 minutes apart I went to take a bath. A bath always stopped my Anne contractions. The bath did nothing. The contractions were not increasing in intensity, but at 33.5 weeks I did not want to wait until that happened. My mother, my midwife, Brandon and I all agreed that I had better head to the hospital.

By now it was 11:30pm. Thank goodness for a dearly wonderful and willing friend who will come crash on your couch so you can go hang out at L & D with your husband. Not my first choice for a date, but we take what we can get around here, right hun?

Soooooo ........

After a silly strap around my abdomen proved that I was indeed having contractions a nurse checked me for progress and I was still posterior and closed.

Phew. 

Back home at, um, some horrible time of night. 

For the rest of the week the contractions persisted so I wasn't surprised when at my regular appointment on February 2nd I was dilated to a 1+ and 80% effaced. 

My midwife sent me home with instructions to "take it easy" because "it's a little too soon for that baby to come and your body is changing." Clear and concise instructions, eh?

The next evening (Friday the 3rd) regular contractions struck again. 5 minutes apart for 3-4 hours. Knowing that at 34 weeks they wouldn't stop labor, I didn't go to the hospital because the contractions weren't intense enough. Instead we went to bed and, thankfully, they subsided.

However, that was enough for my mom, dad, and sister to take some action. They bought a plane ticket and on Monday morning I picked up my sister, Rebecca, from the airport to stay with us and help out until I made it to the safe zone, 36 weeks.

More on that wonderful visit later. 

In the meantime, I am happy to report that I am still pregnant and currently 36 weeks 1 day along. We're hoping this little guy can hang in there for at least 1 more week, if not 2.

And .....

While in California I found myself craving my mom's presence. I reminded myself of my little ones. The way that Anne reaches her arms out to me when something hurts and she wants to be held, the way that Marie cries out for us at night when she is scared, the way that William needs to tell me about a scrape or bruise not because I can do anything about it, just so that I know that he's hurting.

Sometimes I would talk. Sometimes my mom would talk. Mostly, I just wanted to be close to her. Why? Because she knows, she understands, she accepts. She is the ear that I need and the shoulder that I depend on.  

Even with a husband that is everything I need him to be, sometimes a girl just needs her mother.

One evening as I complained once again about our situation my mom asked,

"So, what are you learning from all this?"

{sigh}

I don't remember what I said to her that night. What matters is that the question left me pondering, as was intended, I'm sure.

The past three months have been far from easy for me and daily I struggle to figure out what I am supposed to learn. I keep wanting to figure it out in hopes that once I do everything will miraculously fall into place and our life will be normal again. Whatever normal is.

There are days when I try to convince myself that these aren't really even trials, this is just life. After all, my challenges don't hold a candle to what millions of others are going through. That's what I'm supposed to learn, right? I need to learn that I have it pretty good around here and need to be grateful for the life I lead (which is true and I am grateful, incredibly).

In November I decided to start and finish the Book of Mormon within the month. I was naive enough to think that that was all it would take. If I read the Book of Mormon, a buyer for our house would come knocking at our door. I read. No one knocked, not with an offer, at least.

In December I came to the conclusion that this was meant to strengthen my prayers. I needed to learn to pray with more faith and with more meaning. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Our house remained on the market.

January came and went with no change in our situation and I reluctantly resigned to the fact that this tunnel is going to be a long one. Or perhaps a better analogy would be that this is going to be a tall mountain and no matter how hard I try to see the view from the top, I won't be able to until I do all the climbing that is necessary.

I don't know how far I have to go and I can't even see the top, but I can look back and see how far I've come. 


THE MOUNTAIN by Kathleen Delicato

Looking up into the heights, the sky blue,
I begin my ascent of the mountain.
With my first step, steady, honest and true,
My heart's filled with the goal I shall attain.

Though as I reach the higher paths I find
Determination begins to waver.
The rocks and icy winds are so unkind
And erode the courage I did savor.

T'would be easy to give up and go back,
Return to my safe and comforting home.
Then my inner voice cries, "Attack, attack!"
So I grit my teeth and push myself on.

When I reach the summit, see all I've gained,
Well worth all the trials, well worth all the pain.

So, I will keep trudging along. I can look back, but I won't ever stop moving forward because after all this work, I know the view from the top is going to be completely worth it.

Spontaneity

In the middle of January our dinner time conversation started to revolve around our next visit to California. By the end of dinner we had settled on leaving the next week.

We are never that spontaneous; not about road trips to California, at least. However, this was a much needed trip. Knowing that we wouldn't have to clean our house for a showing for an entire week was what really sold us on the decision. December nearly wiped us out with house showings nearly every other day, planning Christmas and all the festivities that came with it, and William's birthday celebrations ... never mind the typical day to day exhaustion that comes with having three young kids and being in the third trimester of pregnancy.

So, a week later we took off. And for 10 blissfully wonderful days we didn't have to clean our house. I only cooked one meal. Brandon didn't have to go to work. The kids cuddled and laughed and played with grandma, grandpa, and Aunt Becca...

... we went to the "duck park"...

Anne was very content to watch all those strange birds from a distance.

 ...we visited the Los Angeles temple...

The classic standing on the lawn picture that we never got on our wedding day because the lawn was being torn out.

 ...took a trip to the zoo...

 ...spent an evening and a day on the beach...

This next two pictures are pretty much two of my favorite pictures of all time.

This is the definition of happiness, for sure.

 ... we recovered and rejuvenated and, dare I say, relaxed a bit. Even after William, Marie, and Brandon all came down with the stomach flu on days 6 and 7 (at which time I may or may not have  had a slight breakdown), we still felt like we'd rebooted enough to face real life once again when we came back to Utah.