Always There

This week felt lonely. We have been in survival mode for 6 weeks now, trying to operate a home and schedule that is based on having two fully-functioning adults with only 1 fully-functioning adult has been trying and very wearing. In addition to all of that, I had a some major programs at school this week. I did informances for first and third grade which, in a nutshell, is inviting the parents to come into music time with their kids and participate in a lesson. While that may sound simple there is nothing simple about it. It is something I have never observed before and never done myself. Very nervewracking. I was SO proud and excited when it was over and it was successful and celebrated with exactly one person, my wonderful husband. Not to diminish the importance of that one person, by any means, but it was just strange. It had me pondering the feelings of loneliness and the need to feel celebrated. Feeling celebrated is fleeting, I think. And it is a superficial need that is magnified by the superficial relationships that are created through social media. Anybody that steps away from social media for a time, which I do now and again, will quickly realize that no one misses you when you are gone. So, if you aren't missed, what value does coming to that "table" even bring into someone's life? I'm not sure I really know that answer to that. I only bring it up because I have stepped away from social media this past week because I have been so busy. Stepping away has left me noticing a void of being able to get instant gratification celebration by posting about whatever is going on in my life. 

Anyway,  among all that jumbled thinking I had two thoughts that came to mind. First, I was reminded that my relationship with my Savior is never-failing. He is always there for me. He misses me when I am gone. He celebrates all that I am and all that I do. He wants to spend time with me, I don't have to beg for it. As I strive to do His will, I will find greater joy than all the applause in the world could provide. 

The second thought came to me today when I was talking to Sam. I decided that this week during Spring Break I am going to spend one on one time with each of my kids. So, tomorrow Sam and I are going to go to Costco together. It is something we used to do together when he was in preschool and kindergarten and we have both really missed it. When I was talking to him about it today he was just so genuinely excited. And I realized that I have 5 people in my home right now who love and adore me and want nothing more than to spend time with me. I am so grateful for that and I need to do more to cherish and take advantage of that. They celebrate me. They cheer me on. They love being with me and miss me when I am gone. They give to me what I was craving this week, but expecting from the wrong sources. I want to appreciate them more and foster our relationships so we always desire to be there for each other.

These ponderings aren't organized or deep thoughts on the matter, just a lesson that I wanted to remember that I learned and one that I want to keep learning.