Sunday, March 31, 2019

Always There

This week felt lonely. We have been in survival mode for 6 weeks now, trying to operate a home and schedule that is based on having two fully-functioning adults with only 1 fully-functioning adult has been trying and very wearing. In addition to all of that, I had a some major programs at school this week. I did informances for first and third grade which, in a nutshell, is inviting the parents to come into music time with their kids and participate in a lesson. While that may sound simple there is nothing simple about it. It is something I have never observed before and never done myself. Very nervewracking. I was SO proud and excited when it was over and it was successful and celebrated with exactly one person, my wonderful husband. Not to diminish the importance of that one person, by any means, but it was just strange. It had me pondering the feelings of loneliness and the need to feel celebrated. Feeling celebrated is fleeting, I think. And it is a superficial need that is magnified by the superficial relationships that are created through social media. Anybody that steps away from social media for a time, which I do now and again, will quickly realize that no one misses you when you are gone. So, if you aren't missed, what value does coming to that "table" even bring into someone's life? I'm not sure I really know that answer to that. I only bring it up because I have stepped away from social media this past week because I have been so busy. Stepping away has left me noticing a void of being able to get instant gratification celebration by posting about whatever is going on in my life. 
Anyway,  among all that jumbled thinking I had two thoughts that came to mind. First, I was reminded that my relationship with my Savior is never-failing. He is always there for me. He misses me when I am gone. He celebrates all that I am and all that I do. He wants to spend time with me, I don't have to beg for it. As I strive to do His will, I will find greater joy than all the applause in the world could provide. 
The second thought came to me today when I was talking to Sam. I decided that this week during Spring Break I am going to spend one on one time with each of my kids. So, tomorrow Sam and I are going to go to Costco together. It is something we used to do together when he was in preschool and kindergarten and we have both really missed it. When I was talking to him about it today he was just so genuinely excited. And I realized that I have 5 people in my home right now who love and adore me and want nothing more than to spend time with me. I am so grateful for that and I need to do more to cherish and take advantage of that. They celebrate me. They cheer me on. They love being with me and miss me when I am gone. They give to me what I was craving this week, but expecting from the wrong sources. I want to appreciate them more and foster our relationships so we always desire to be there for each other.
These ponderings aren't organized or deep thoughts on the matter, just a lesson that I wanted to remember that I learned and one that I want to keep learning. 

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Turkey Day 2018

Thanksgiving was wonderful this year. We've had some struggles with a family member in the past, which has made family gatherings difficult over recent years. Thankfully, some of those things have recently been worked through and resolved so it made this gathering more comfortable than we've had in quite some time.

We hosted at our house and Brandon and I took charge of the turkey mashed potatoes. The kids and I also made some pies.

As I was evaluating my recipes I was remembering that when I used to blog more regularly that I would document what recipes I used to I could go back to them in the future. And let me tell you, the turkey brine we used we definitely want to revisit. I went with a much simpler brine this year and liked it so much better than what we used last year.

So, the recipe inspiration came from this recipe at Taste of Home. Citrus & Herb Turkey Breast. We cooked two 12 pound turkeys. So, I doubled the brine and then just added enough water to cover the turkeys. After letting the turkey brine overnight Tuesday and through most of the day Wednesday I pulled them out and spatchcocked them. This is a fairly easy techinique, even easier when have really good sharp scissors which I did not. I actually broke one of my pairs of kitchen shears trying to cut the bone. Oops. Next step was to rub the herb butter all over the turkeys and then we put them in the fridge until Thursday.

We roasted one turkey in the oven and smoked one turkey on the Traeger. The roast turkey gave me a bit of a headache because our thermometer broke so I couldn't figure out what temperature it was. We tried calibrating it and everything and it kept changing readings. From 140 to 120 to 160. Finally, we took it out to the Traeger and used one of those probes and it read 167. Tada! Perfection!! And it really was delicious, both the turkeys were very delicious.

For the mashed potatoes we bought a potato ricer, in hopes of achieving the creamiest mashed potatoes ever. However, by the time we were making the mashed potatoes I was kind of just ready to eat and didn't give them quite the care and attention  (or enough butter) to quite get them to the perfect state. But they were definitely fluffy and did not get gluey at all, which was our main goal.

Finally, the three pies we contributed were key lime pie, fudge brownie pie, and banana cream pie. Banana cream pie has always been my favorite pie for Thanksgiving. I have very vivid memories of making banana cream pie and chocolate cream pie with my mom when I was a kid. So, I will always make banana cream pie, even if no one else eats it. Which, my family loves it, but no one else in Brandon's family had any. Fine by me! More for me! Marie made key lime pie. We add a little cream of coconut to the custard mix and we added a coconut emulsion to the whipped cream It was really delicious. I loved the texture of the custard and I think we'll add a bit more coconut. We were very light handed because we weren't sure how we'd like the coconut. And finally, William made a fudge brownie pie. It was good, but very rich. Ashley brought a tollhouse chocolate cookie pie and all our kids loved that one, so I think we'll do that one in the future and pass on the brownie pie.

Besides the yummy food, we mostly just visited with each other. The kids got a little crazy. We are determined to finish our family room this year so that kids will play down there. We didn't allow cousins in bedrooms and the cousins wouldn't play in the family room, so the kids just ended up under our feet a bit. By the time we host Thanksgiving again, we should have it all finished! Woohoo!

So, here's to a wonderful Thanksgiving and here's to getting it checked off the list. Hurrah!

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Reading the Book of Mormon and other things

I have been working on reading the Book of Mormon before the end of the year, per President Nelson's challenge to the women in October conference. I have tried to be open with my family about my goal and have a chart on the fridge where I am keeping track of my reading. It has been neat to see my kids' support and interest. Tonight Sam sat down with me and read several verses to me as I was reading. I really had to binge read today because I was behind the pacing schedule by about 20 chapters. Ooops!

Marie is reading the Book of Mormon, too. She is going slowly, but this is her first time ever reading it on her own so I reassured her that reading it a little each day, no matter how long it takes her, is what is important. I am praying that she gains a testimony of the book as she does this reading. I want more than anything for my children to gain an greater testimony of regular scripture study than I have. That is something I never developed well in my youth and have, consequently, struggled with being consistent on in my adult life. My testimony has not suffered, but I do believe my general understanding and knowledge has suffered. I am trying though and am grateful for the chance at eternal progress.

There have been terrible fires in California this year. A fire near Sacramento basically wiped out the entire town of Paradise. The town is surrounded by mountains and forest and when the fires swept in they had no way of evacuating. Many people died in their cars and homes. It is just so devastating. There are fires in Ventura County, as well. The winds took the fires from Simi, but many other areas have been burned.

The last days are here. I certainly feel the urgency to be found on the right side of the battle.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Higher and Holier

In October at General Conference it was announced that we will be moving to two hour church blocks on Sunday. The purpose for the shift is to create a greater emphasis on home-centered learning. I am so excited about these changes and the greater purpose it has given me as mother. Of course, this has always been my call and my purpose, to create a home environment that promotes Gospel learning and light. However, it feels "higher and holier" now, to borrow a phrase that has been used in conference lately.

As I have pondered and prayed about what the Lord would have us do here in our own home, it has been thrilling to receive the needed revelation. President Eyring's talk was especially poignant to me.


  • So you will take more time to pray, to ponder, and to meditate on spiritual matters. You will have knowledge of truth poured out upon you and grow in your power to nurture others in your family.


  • You can know whom to nurture in your family. If you pray with real intent, a name or a face will come to your mind. If you pray to know what to do or what to say, you will feel an answer. Each time you obey, your power to nurture will grow. 


  • You will bring your inherent feeling of charity into changes in activities and practices in your family. That will bring greater spiritual growth. When you pray with and for family members, you will feel your and the Savior’s love for them. That will become more and more your spiritual gift as you seek it. Your family members will feel it as you pray with greater faith.


  • When the family gathers to read scriptures aloud, you will already have read them and prayed over them to prepare yourself. You will have found moments to pray for the Spirit to enlighten your mind. Then, when it is your turn to read, family members will feel your love for God and i for His word. They will be nurtured by Him and by His Spirit.
What stands out to me about these passages is the way that President Eyring guides us. He uses the statement, "You will" not "you should" or "you can". The phrase "you will" brings with it the confidence he is showing in us to be able to accomplish the task which is in front of us. And in turn, as he guides us in what we will do, he then shares with us the blessings that will come from our actions. I italicized the blessings above.

As I read these passages I can't help but feel the urgency of these tasks. I feel driven to accomplish them, as the blessings that are promised are ones that I cannot afford to live without. 

But then the task at hand starts feeling daunting. I begin to wonder if I am equal to it. That is when I am reminded of one of my favorite sections of the Book of Mormon. It is in Ether when the Brother of Jared is preparing boats for his people to cross over to the Promised Land. The Lord has given him direction on building the boats, but now he has a question. How will we have light? Instead of giving them the answer the Lord says, 

Ether 2:23. What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels? For behold, ye cannot have windows, for they will be dashed in pieces; neither shall ye take fire with you, for ye shall not go by the light of fire.
Ether 2:25. And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?

He reiterates to the Brother of Jared that they are going to need light, but leave the task up to him to find the answer. I have a book called "Christ and the New Covenant" that Elder Holland wrote and I love the way he describes this moment.

After what was undoubtedly a great deal of soul-searching, the brother of Jared came before the Lord--perhaps hesitantly but not empty-handed. In a clearly apologetic tone, he said, "Now behold, O Lord, and do not be angry with they servant because of his weakness before thee; ... O Lord, look upon me in pity, and turn away anger from this thy people, and suffer not that they shall go forth across this raging deep in darkness; but behold these things which I have molten out of the rock. Things. The brother of Jared hardly knew what to call them. Rocks undoubtedly did not sound very inspiring. Here, standing next to the Lord's magnificent handiwork, the impeccably designed and marvelously unique seagoing barges, the brother of Jared offered his contribution of . As he eyed the sleek ships the Lord had provided, it was a moment of genuine humility.

The brother of Jared then proceeds to proclaim his faith that the Lord can touch the stones and make light out of them. And his faith is so complete that he sees the Lord. What I learn from this passage is that whatever we can present to the Lord in faith, he will sanctify. He will consecrate our actions and our efforts and the Atonement of Jesus Christ will make up for anything which we lack.  

These are just musings are perhaps just half-baked; but I am learning and I am ready with my stones to have the Lord touch them with light. I know I can and I must do this for my family.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Eternity is our Covering

I gave a talk in sacrament meeting today. I learned so much as I studied this topic. The entire Relief Society Presidency spoke and as we discussed a topic we were led to the scripture, Mosiah 18:21. My first counselor, Sue Jackson, spoke about service and my second counselor, Irene Werthmann, spoke about frienship and unity. I spoke first, introducing the topic. Here is my talk:

We spent this past week in Yellowstone. We were awestruck by the
 majestic geysers, amazing wildlife, spectacular waterfalls, towering mountains, high alpine lakes, and pristine rivers. One of my kids said to me, “Mom, do you know why this is so much better than, like, Lagoon? Because this wasn’t man-made. All of this was made by Heavenly Father!” We were certainly reverenced by the impressive beauty of it all. As we drove through certain parts of the park I noticed scars from forest fires and was reminded of the devastating fires that swept through in 1988. My family lived in Cheyenne at the time and media coverage was constant as the blazes continued on through the entire summer. I was only Anne’s age, but especially remember the dark skies and red sun, trademarks of that summer for me.
             
I decided to research more about the fires. What I found out was that dry conditions and high winds were the catalyst to the fires that burned over 1/3rd of the national park. Traditional firefighting methods proved useless as the fires jumped streams, bull-dozer lines, and even the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. At the peak, nearly 10,000 people worked together to combat the fires. 120 helicopters and fixed-wing aircraft, 10 million of gallons of water, 1.4 million gallons of fire-retardant, and more than 100 fire engines.

These efforts saved buildings, but man could not stop the fires.

After nearly three months, the fires ended as they begun, with an act of nature.

It snowed.

What an army of firefighters, hundreds of aircraft and $120 million couldn’t do, a quarter-inch of snow did.

And so it is with life. 

Life can sometimes consume us like the blazing fires of Yellowstone. When we may feel hopeless and at a loss for solutions, we must remember that our Heavenly Father has provided us with an eternal snowfall in our Savior Jesus Christ. I love the way Abraham describes it when he says, “Eternity was our covering, and our rock and our salvation.” Jesus Christ is our fail-safe for any fire.

To our great joy, God has provided a Savior who performed a perfect Atonement and provided a path for us to return home and receive all that He has. His covenant to us, His children, is that despite our inevitable fall, we can be transformed from beings whose impure hearts, desires, and wills cannot abide His presence into sanctified beings who can abide His glory. 

So, how do we do this?

One of the greatest sermons on the doctrine of Jesus Christ is found in the Book of Mormon, and involves a different fire. This fire would take the life of the prophet Abinadi.

Abinadi stood before King Noah and boldly testified of Jesus Christ. He knew his testimony would most likely lead to his death, but he would not deny what he knew. Just one person heard and listened to his words. But one person was enough.

Elder Holland says, “Out of Abinadi’s heroic – and ultimately fatal – declaration to the wicked King Noah came one crucial convert, a young priest in the king’s court named Alma. Hearing Abinadi’s witness of Christ and fleeing into the wilderness to record the message and repent of his sins, Alma began baptizing all who wished to make a covenant with Christ. “

There in the wilderness Alma established the “church of Christ.” He taught them of repentance, redemption, and faith. He led his people to follow the pattern of the doctrine of Christ. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism, receiving the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. We may desire more intricate solutions, but the reality is that the pattern is beautifully simple.

First, Faith in Jesus Christ leads us to know Him better. As we learn of His character and attributes we seek to become more like Him and to follow after Him.

Second, we repent that we may better align ourselves with His will. Hugh B. Nibley said, “Who is righteous? Anyone who is repenting. No matter how bad he has been, if he is repenting, he is a righteous man. There is hope for him. And no matter how good he has been all his life, if he is not repenting, he is a wicked man.” Repentance is a constant and continuous process in the doctrine of Christ.

Third, our repentance leads us to and is completed as we make covenants with God in ordinances. In the ordinances of baptism and the sacrament we witness our repentance and commitment to follow God. We not only renounce sin, we also covenant to obey. When Alma taught at the Waters of Mormon he taught what Elder Holland describes as the most complete scriptural statement on record as to what the newly baptized commit to do and be.

Bear one another’s burdens.
Mourning with those that mourn.
Comfort those who stand in need of comfort.
Standing as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places.
Entering into a covenant to serve God and keep his commandments.

Fourth, keeping the covenants we make allows the gift of the Spirit in our lives. I like to think of the Holy Ghost as the element that helps us to understand the pattern we are trying to follow. The Spirit “shows all things that ye should do,” “leadeth to do good”, “and knoweth all things”. David A. Bednar said, “The commandments from God we obey and the inspired counsel from Church leaders we follow principally focus upon obtaining the companionship of the Spirit. Fundamentally, all gospel teachings and activities are centered on coming unto Christ by receiving the Holy Ghost in our lives.”

Finally, we must endure to the end. Elder Renlund explains, “Our theology [teaches] us, that we may be perfected by repeatedly and iteratively “relying wholly upon” the doctrine of Christ: exercising faith in Him, repenting, partaking of the sacrament to renew the covenants and blessings of baptism, and receiving the Holy Ghost as a constant companion to a greater degree. As we do so, we become more like Christ and are able to endure to the end, with all that that entails.  In less formal terms, God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep on trying.”

Back at the Waters of Mormon Alma gives a two part commandment. “And he commanded them that there should be no contention one with another, but that they should look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, have their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another.” Mosiah 18:21

One eye. One faith. One baptism. The doctrine of Christ.

But brothers and sisters, we know that this is not a pattern we follow alone. Christ admonished us, “When thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.” Hearts knit together in unity and love.

In Yellowstone, the spring following the fires, amidst the charred earth, another miracle happened. Plants began to emerge. Flowers and shrubs and began to fill the many acres of what looked like complete devastation. Now nearly three decades later the forests have replenished and filled in. The landscape continues to thrive and to refresh and renew. Not only has Christ promised us a snowfall, through our faithfulness, he has also promised us renewal. Beauty from the ashes.

The same beauty from ashes came to Alma and his people at the waters of Mormon.

 “And this he said unto them, having been commanded of God; and they did walk uprightly before God, imparting to one another both temporally and spiritually according to their needs and wants. And now it came to pass that all this was done in Mormon, yea, by the waters of Mormon, in the forest that was near the waters of Mormon; how beautiful are they to the eyes of them who there came to the knowledge of their Redeemer; yea, and how blessed are they, for they shall sing to his praise forever.”

I add to these testimonies, my own. I know that as we strive to understand and follow the doctrine of Christ and in turn strengthen each other through the doctrine of Christ, that eternity will be our covering. We will be able to withstand the fires that inevitably come with life as we rely on our Savior Jesus Christ. I also testify of the importance of understanding that we cannot do this alone. One eye, one faith, one baptism. Hearts knit together in unity and love one towards another. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Moments with the Boys

WILLIAM

A couple of Sundays ago after church William said, "I had a moment at church when I really just felt good about the scriptures. Like, I understood that they are important." I asked him what might have prompted that feeling. He said that at the campout that weekend (11-year old scout campout up in Logan Canyon) he and three other boys said their personal prayers before going to bed. (I was shouting with joy inside that they were doing this!!) He decided to ask in his prayer if the scriptures are true. "I guess that feeling at church was my answer to my prayer." The beginning of a testimony is such a beautiful thing.

SAMUEL

Last Sunday Sam was assigned to recite the 6th Article of Faith in Primary. Brandon worked hard with all the kids through the week to get it memorized. Sam had it down perfectly. He recited it beautifully. We were probably overly proud, but who wouldn't be, right? Well, a couple of days later Sam was looking through the May Ensign and came across the picture of all of the General Authorities. "That's a lot of missionaries!" He exclaimed. I explained to him that it was a picture of the prophet, apostles, and seventy. His eyes lit up and he said, "Wait, prophets, apostles, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth!" "Yep!" I said. That is what the 6th Article of Faith is talking about. Later that day I was walking through the house and found that he had pulled that page out of the Ensign and pinned on the wall right by the front door. I love that he made a connection not only between the picture and the Article of Faith, but also that he could sense the importance of those faithful men.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Our Life Right Now

I can't believe it has been a year since I have posted to this blog. Life is happening at lightning speed. And while I have still been documenting our family's life in other ways, the Spirit has been whispering quite often that I need to write. Instagram and chatbooks and taking pictures ... they just aren't enough of a platform for me to dig deep enough into my thoughts and feelings. I've changed the privacy settings of this blog. It is not the public sharing arena that it used to be.

It's hard to just pick up where I left off. Where did I leave off? How do I catch up? Alas, I don't know and I can't. I'm just going to jump right into life right now. A wonderful sister in our ward has taught me that our family stories are anything we can manage to record. Anything we record is better than recording nothing. It doesn't need to be chronological. It doesn't need to be without gaps or without pockets of time elapsing. It just needs to be written.

So here we are in April of 2017. Brandon is working at Hill Air Force Base still. It has been a wonderful job for him. We love the job security and consistency. The promotions and raises he has received have been well deserved and results of his hard work. He has a couple of friends that he likes to play tennis with during fitness leave. And not during fitness leave the like to pull pranks and make each other laugh. He is the Gospel Doctrine teacher in our ward now. That was a shocking calling. He has taught twice now. He has approached it with an amazing attitude, as teaching in that setting is actually quite scary for him. But he says it's only 30 minutes. He can't let himself be consumed with anxiety for days leading up to a short 30 minute lesson. I married an amazing person, for sure.

I am Relief Society president still, which is a very direct reason for the silence on this blog. But there are many things I manage to find time that aren't nearly as important as writing. So, I am back to writing. Being Relief Society president has been amazing. I have learned so much about myself, about how the Lord works, about His Gospel. I have learned of my many weaknesses and get the help to strengthen them. I have seen my strengths and hope that I am using them to the best of my ability. I try to help others. I want to help others. I hope I am helping others. Lately, I can't help but think so much of the purpose of this calling was for my own growth. I do absolutely love to be able to visit with the sisters one-on-one. It is my absolute favorite part of the calling. What amazing daughters of God I get to brush shoulders with!

On the homefront I am in a place of limbo right now, with Sam in his final year before he starts public school. He and I are buddies as I take him to the gym, run errands, do laundry, clean house ... I have to remind myself to take him to the park and do things just for him more often. It is hard to remember when he's the only one home with me. He'll go play in his room or get on the computer and I just see it as a chance to get some things done. It is definitely a much different struggle than what I faced when William was 5 and he had 2 younger sisters.

I am teaching piano lessons, as well. I'll to write separately about that. It could be a long one.

William is having a fabulous year at school. A perfect year? No. But he is learning some important skills with a teacher that cares about his needs and sees his talents and abilities. It has been absolutely refreshing to get to April and not be totally and completely burnt out from school. He has found his people in scouting. He loves to learn new things and scouting an incredible outlet for that. He has been blessed with some dedicated leaders, which I am so grateful for. Some members of the church can be so wishy-washy about scouting. I have a hard time with that, as it is a church sponsored program. I guess my perspective is different as I have watched boys lives changed and improved as my dad has lead them through the scouting program. So, I'm all in. And William is definitely all in. William is also playing violin and he's doing well with it. I can't get him to feel passionate about it yet, but when that passion hits he'll be unstoppable. I can see the talent in him. Whenever he asks why he has to play I tell him that if I didn't see any potential I wouldn't make him play. I would just give him piano lessons. That seems to appease him so far. I think he'll really enjoy being in orchestra when he gets to junior high school.

Marie is doing well in school, as usual. School is definitely not one of her challenges, at least not at this point. She is playing piano, taking lessons from me. I so enjoy teaching my kids music. Helping William practice violin and teaching the girls piano. Singing together as a family. Marie really enjoys the piano. She also loves to teach and help younger kids. She just glows at the thought of babysitting and can't wait until she is old enough to earn money doing it. I am so grateful that she is eager and willing to help Anne with her homework and reading, as it is not always easy for me to carve out time to do it. She is also dancing and is really blossoming in that. Brandon and I have debated entering into the "competition realm" just to help her to progress more, but we just can't stomach the cost or the time commitment. Right now, Marie isn't pushing for it, so we let it be. I see her more into student council and such as she gets older.

Anne is our creative little dreamer. Which translates to some struggles at school, but boy does she have us laughing and smiling often. My favorite moment this week was answering a knock at the door only to find her, home from school, with a huge bouquet of purple wildflowers (aka weeds) for me. She finds beauty in the ashes. She had some testing done and we were able to rule out any learning disability, she just doesn't like to focus on often VERY boring work placed in front of her by her teacher. It really is tediously boring. I started teaching her piano at the beginning of the year, but put it on pause when school started to stress her out more. It's calming down again for her, so I think we'll start up again soon. She also decided to try out tumbling and tap dance this year. She is a cute little tap dancer. She wishes she could just improvise though. She doesn't want to be limited to the small little steps she's been taught so far. So funny.

And Sam. My little sidekick. He's a fireball. He is independent and stubborn and curious and as loving as they come. He's in preschool this year and has quickly caught on to learning his alphabet and numbers. He'll be reading before we know it. He wants to play the violin like William. I don't think we'll start him at age 5, like we did William. We haven't found a Suzuki teacher up here and William's current teacher is geared up more for older students. Sam is trying out soccer and he's very, very slowly getting the hang of it. He didn't take to it as quickly as we had hoped he would, but I think he's done well enough we might consider having him play next year. We'll see.

Phew. Hardly complete, but an update nonetheless. And it felt so good to get that out and written down! Until next time.