I don't feel like my belly grew too much over the past 4 weeks, but my weight still went up. Blast it all. I solved that problem though. I stopped weighing myself every morning. Haha. That works, right?
This is my first pregnancy where we have actually owned a scale and the first pregnancy where I have felt down about the changes in my body, rather than joyous and grateful. I think the two are related. The 30 pounds of weight loss I achieved after having Marie hasn't helped either. I mean, it has helped alot, but now I am more discouraged because I don't want to gain those lost pounds back. I know it is baby weight now, but it is still so hard after all that work to see the numbers go up instead of down. So I fired the scale.
You see, I am determined to only show gratitude for the miracle that is happening within my body. I don't know why my body is able to carry a child healthfully when so many other women, many whom I know personally, struggle with infertility and all the sorrow that it brings. I don't know why I have a man that loves me and is able to join with me in raising a family when other women I know yearn and ache for that same companionship and find only loneliness instead.
I am not more righteous then them and certainly not more deserving. If anything, it is quite the opposite.
I do know that "one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so." (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland)
Because of this I cannot and will not allow some measly numbers on an electronic device and something as trivial as weight gain to cloud the miraculous event I am able to be a part of. I am blessed beyond measure and will always strive to express my gratitude for that.
And that, my friends, is what has been on my mind here at this milestone of 20 (almost 21 weeks). Not quite the "20 weeks isn't really half way" post that I had intended, but sometimes we just have to let the stream of consciousness take over.
Happy March Madness!
7 comments:
AMEN! You've expressed it so perfectly.
You look GREAT Bethany and thank you SO much for this post. I have been struggling with the same thing and I am almost 19 weeks. I agree with you I think it is extra hard because of the 40 or so lbs that I lost a few years ago. It was such hard work that it is discouraging to think about having to do it again. I keep telling myself that this all positive weight gain (as long as I don't eat out of control. Ha!) but some days are harder than others. And since this is my first I've never gone through these changes. I haven't felt the baby move quite yet so some days I just feel tired and fat. I'm glad to know that an experienced mother (and one I admire) feels the same at times. And really...you do look great! Thanks for reminding about the miracle that this really is, sometimes I forget. Miss ya!
You're so cute!
I have often wondered the same thing(s). I know so many wonderful women out there who long for children and cannot. I always think they would be better moms than I am. Makes me think, though, which is a good thing, and I try to be better.
I often look at Lily and think of how hard pregnancy is, and every time I say to myself, "I would do it all over again!" Children are such a blessing, and I think that becoming a co-creator with God is a priceless gift.
Thank you for this post. I needed it! :) And by the way...you look AMAZING!!!
Beautifully worded. Firing the scale is a good thing. I'm proud of you. It's as silly as the BMI.
Congratulations on 20 weeks!!!
Did I know you were pregnant? I don't think I did. Well, you look fabulous. I'm all for firing scales.
Okay, now that I updated myself on your blog, it's ridiculous I didn't know. Sigh. That's the problem with private blogs. The likes of which I will find out soon enough.
And you still look fabulous.
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